Am I the Right Therapist for You?
Finding the right fit therapist for you is a critical first step in your healing journey. To help you determine if I might be the therapist you need for this moment in your life, keep on reading to learn more about my passions and the clients with whom I’ve seen the most transformation.
Do you see yourself described here? Have you had similar experiences and/or questions? If so, let’s connect!
Most of my clients are aware that something is amiss in their lives, but understanding exactly how to enact change is a big glaring unknown. As adults, it has been difficult for them to figure out what they need because they never really had an opportunity to connect with this part of themselves growing up.
They may buy into the idea of vulnerability and cognitively see the benefit of opening up more honestly, yet it feels like a luxury and difficult to access. On top of that, perfectionist demands make compassion feel like an excuse, which only exacerbates rigidity, negative self-talk, and anxiety.
In my years of practice, I have noticed how this pattern of suppression and survival then turned into experiencing moments of frustration, anger, sadness, and resentment, and how some clients felt discouraged in their relationships because they didn’t feel understood. On top of all that, they also had difficulties creating the language to express themselves. There's some confusion regarding what constitutes expressing a boundary and what is considered control. Some of my clients have a fear of expressing explicit (and necessary!) “non-negotiable” boundaries because they don’t want to come off as “controlling.”
When working with boundaries, we do a lot of work understanding the why behind boundaries. Most of the boundaries are about emotional security. Once this is understood, my clients are able to explain and bring deeper understanding into their relationships.
I think this is where the feeling of “control” changes to “empowerment.”
We also work on creating flexibility and understanding that sometimes things are not going to be 100% perfect all the time. We create awareness and learn how to compromise, address and create plans for the future. Compromising is sometimes a challenge for my clients because they work hard to understand their values and don’t want to continue “losing themselves” in order to please others.
I think for all of them it becomes confusing to understand that sometimes our needs are rigid and sometimes they have a little more flexibility.
Oftentimes, the rigid boundaries come from a place of wanting to have emotional and physical safety. The distress and experiences of developmental trauma taught them that their needs are not important enough. And, a lot of the language or messages received were that they were “too sentimental, too emotional, too much” and perfection (which might have been more of a do-as-your-told kind of behavior) was what was expected of them.
Some of my clients feel very anxious and frustrated when there is conflict and part of the reason is because they want to share their perspective and to voice themselves but they struggle to create the language and space to do so.
I think overall, I became very interested in learning about relationships and trauma because I saw how their history of developmental trauma was affecting everyone and nearly everything in their present life.
The clients that I see now are often in committed relationships and have stable lives. But, I also see clients who are single, struggle to connect with others and have a deep desire to be in a relationship. Those in committed relationships struggle with their partners to feel understood. They often experience reactive emotions. This usually happens in the moments when they have been suppressing for a while and finally get to the point of not being able to suppress anymore.
I love working with people who want to improve their relationships. Part of this work is more about getting to know themselves, seeing the strengths that they possess and learning to use those in a way that is productive and constructive.
My clients are usually a perfectionist bunch. They also struggle to cope with stress. I like having the opportunity to work with clients in slowing down and giving them the resources they need to learn and normalize the fact that they are perfect as they are.
The fear of abandonment and/or rejection is very present for these clients. It’s often presented by reactiveness or shutting down. I incorporate attachment theory as part of my work. Most of my clients didn’t have a consistent attachment figure, so the idea of having someone who is consistently there with them and for them at moments may feel or seem a bit abstract. But they sometimes also fall into assuming many things about their partners or others, such as assuming that if they bring up an issue their partner won't hear them, or their partner will leave, or they will be rejected.
So, a part of the work I do with clients is to help them develop their voice and confidence to speak their core truths. While this often starts by examining the frustration they feel in intimate relationships, once they learn how to speak their truth and create healthy boundaries, this pattern also manifests in their employment and with their friends.